Oppai Chanbara, 2008

Take three hot AV Idols, throw them in period attire and have them flash their boobies in the heat of battle, and you pretty much have the recipe for Chanbara Striptease, from the producers of zombie bore-fest Chanbara Beauty. Actually I lied, Sasa Handa in tertiary support doesn’t even get her kit off here, which kind of brings into question what she’s doing in the film in the first place. It’s not for her acting!

Akira Hirose’s Chanbara Striptease (a.k.a. the more direct Oppai Chanbara) is a fairly pedestrian motion picture, in which a young woman (played by Ryo Akanishi) is transported 300 years into the past, only to discover the origins of the martial art that her mother had handed down to her shortly before passing away. At 65 minutes in length it does its job: we’ve a melodramatic fish out of water scenario centred on a lovelorn young man and a perky heroine; some over-the-top ninja antics led by a sultry Ruru Anoa, and unintentionally humorous sex scenes. Oh, and to reiterate, the frequently gratuitous bearing of magical breasts. That’s all you lot care about anyway isn’t it? Tits.